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Omnis
Grignapoco
Grignapoco


Posts : 112
Join date : 2014-10-06

PostSubject: Announcement   Sun Mar 01, 2015 9:27 am

You may've seen this funny ANNOUNCEMENT before:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.

And in the southern hemisphere...

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
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DungeonMaster
GRiSO
GRiSO


Posts : 1163
Join date : 2013-11-26
Age : 53

PostSubject: Re: Announcement   Sun Mar 01, 2015 10:02 am

Some slight updates made that worth enjoying again.
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Tolle09
Don Abbondio
Don Abbondio


Posts : 234
Join date : 2014-10-07
Age : 53

PostSubject: Re: Announcement   Sun Mar 01, 2015 10:25 am

nice one Thumbs Up
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Oz1200Guzzi
Don Abbondio
Don Abbondio


Posts : 1776
Join date : 2014-03-13
Age : 62

PostSubject: Re: Announcement   Sun Mar 01, 2015 1:24 pm

I laughed, a lot - in modern speak: LOL
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Grisonut
GRiSO
GRiSO


Posts : 1015
Join date : 2014-01-02

PostSubject: Re: Announcement   Sun Mar 01, 2015 2:14 pm

Also, the Canadians have decided that, despite the unusual cold and heavy snowfall in North America, they would not shut down traffic on their only road in the Nation so it wouldn't inconvenience the natives because after all, in those dire times of Global Warming it wouldn't make sense eh?
Instead, they diffused re-runs of the Therrance and Philip show and programs about teaching woman how to queef properly in order to stay warm indoors.
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ghezzi
Fra Cristoforo
Fra Cristoforo


Posts : 1692
Join date : 2014-05-22
Age : 59

PostSubject: Re: Announcement   Sun Mar 01, 2015 2:27 pm

I think we in Australia have one level you missed out on, between "Crikey" and "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend". It's called "Fuck that"! This is where we spring to action coz nobody would be game to make any suggestion the sacred 'B-B-Q' was in question.

My Aust Post work place was having a few problems some years ago with frequent punch-ups, when the company shrink turned up for a staff meeting with 60 people, the first question she asked was "Does anybody know what conflict resolution is"?

I put me hand up, "Yes, that's where you shoot everybody that disagrees with you, then you no longer have a problem". (in the true American way ............... 'going postal'). Well fuck me, talk about a lack of sense of humour, I was ejected from the meeting and sent for a psychiatric assessment.
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http://www.biketowbrisbane.com.au
Grisonut
GRiSO
GRiSO


Posts : 1015
Join date : 2014-01-02

PostSubject: Re: Announcement   Sun Mar 01, 2015 2:39 pm

ghezzi wrote:
................I was ejected from the meeting and sent for a psychiatric assessment.
I too went for a psychiatric assessment in my 20s.
I was really weird as I still pissed in my bed at 25 and discover a wet bed nearly every morning but those people fixed me once and for all.
Now at 50, I still piss in my bed but I'm proud of it!
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Oz1200Guzzi
Don Abbondio
Don Abbondio


Posts : 1776
Join date : 2014-03-13
Age : 62

PostSubject: Re: Announcement   Sun Mar 01, 2015 6:37 pm

Lord F, what are we getting ourselves into in a few weekends' time?
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ghezzi
Fra Cristoforo
Fra Cristoforo


Posts : 1692
Join date : 2014-05-22
Age : 59

PostSubject: Re: Announcement   Sun Mar 01, 2015 8:15 pm

It's OK Tony, I got paroled from Aust Post over 7 years ago, Doctor said the medication is working fine and Guzzi therapy has calmed me down immensely. jocolor
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http://www.biketowbrisbane.com.au
Omnis
Grignapoco
Grignapoco


Posts : 112
Join date : 2014-10-06

PostSubject: Re: Announcement   Mon Mar 02, 2015 9:14 am

Actually the Canadian entry was missed because we got wiped out by the pre-emptive strike of the Americans.
Having had the opportunity to have the best of all worlds with French culture, British laws and American technology we got buggered by the worst possible combination of French laws, British technology and American culture !

It's all good !
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tocino
Nibbio
Nibbio


Posts : 556
Join date : 2014-06-21

PostSubject: Re: Announcement   Mon Mar 02, 2015 11:32 am

Omnis wrote:
Actually the Canadian entry was missed because we got wiped out by the pre-emptive strike of the Americans.

f**kin-A bubba:

Vasquez: All right, we got seven canisters of CN-20. I say we roll them in there and nerve gas the whole fucking nest.
Hicks: That’s worth a try, but we don’t know if it’s gonna affect them.
Hudson: Let’s just bug out and call it even, man! What are we even talking about this for?
Ripley: …I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
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Tod.
Tanabuso
Tanabuso


Posts : 69
Join date : 2015-01-29

PostSubject: Re: Announcement   Mon Mar 02, 2015 11:50 pm

American culture?........ There's more culture in a pot of yogurt. clown
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Omnis
Grignapoco
Grignapoco


Posts : 112
Join date : 2014-10-06

PostSubject: Re: Announcement   Tue Mar 03, 2015 6:53 am

Thank God for Guzzi dogma
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1151
Sfregiato
Sfregiato


Posts : 438
Join date : 2014-05-23

PostSubject: Re: Announcement   Tue Mar 03, 2015 11:37 pm

Excellent Omnis. A good laugh!

Now now, a little less snobbery shall we Tod, besides, the pot of yogurt as you say is more likely a pot of Earl Grey with just a spot of cream donated from this bloke affraid :

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Blue
Nibbio
Nibbio


Posts : 816
Join date : 2014-08-18
Age : 52

PostSubject: Re: Announcement   Wed Mar 04, 2015 4:43 am

1151 wrote:
Excellent Omnis. A good laugh!

Now now, a little less snobbery shall we Tod, besides, the pot of yogurt as you say is more likely a pot of Earl Grey with just a spot of cream donated from this bloke  affraid :

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]






Yup, we all got our great citizens. I would like it if they could bring him back from the dead so I could drag him along on a rope behind the GRiSO for a few miles. Then I would set light to him...........

Just saying like.............
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PostSubject: Re: Announcement   Today at 9:53 am

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