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 Just Jokes!

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ghezzi
Fra Cristoforo
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Age : 59

PostSubject: Just Jokes!   Fri Mar 13, 2015 10:08 pm

A German Engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan.

He's making land mines that look like prayer mats.
It's doing well.
He says prophets are going through the roof.


Last edited by ghezzi on Sat Mar 14, 2015 4:25 pm; edited 1 time in total
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garyclem
Tanabuso
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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sat Mar 14, 2015 2:27 am

I'll keep it short and sweet, I do not think that is at all funny, not by any stretch and for lots of reasons ............... but more recently because a young non-Muslim Australian has blown himself up attempting to kill soldiers in the Middle East who were battling the murderous IS butchers. IMHO racism is just racism whether or not there is an attempt to it is disguise it as humour. I know quite a few Muslims, some of them are relatively new Australians, and I am very pleased that they are both my work colleagues and my friends.
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ghezzi
Fra Cristoforo
Fra Cristoforo


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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sat Mar 14, 2015 6:22 am

recently a young non-Muslim Australian has blown himself up

That's even more funny [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]




And now here's one for the boat people;
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.][You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]" />
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Enzo the baker
Grignapoco
Grignapoco


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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sat Mar 14, 2015 9:16 am

THE BROTHEL

The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
"May I help you sir?" she asked.
The man replied, "I want to see Valerie."
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else", said the madam
He replied, "No, I must see Valerie." Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive.
"There are no discounts. The price is still $5000."
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again.
Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie said to the man, "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?"
The man replied, " Nova Scotia ."
"Really," she said. "I have family in Nova Scotia ."
"I know." the man said. "Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance."
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer!


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Tolle09
Don Abbondio
Don Abbondio


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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sat Mar 14, 2015 1:42 pm

What whines ,stinks and has no teeth ? The gearbox on the wife's car
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ghezzi
Fra Cristoforo
Fra Cristoforo


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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sat Mar 14, 2015 2:58 pm

Tony Abbott walked into a foreign book store and asked for the booklet on "Australia's Emigration Policy".
The shop assistant said "Fuck off, get out and stay out".
Tony said, "Yes, that's the one".
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opc
Grignapoco
Grignapoco


Posts : 153
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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sat Mar 14, 2015 2:59 pm

A Doctor, an Engineer, a Grandfather, and his young Grandson were on a charter flight when the pilot suffered a fatal heart attack. Upon looking, they found there were only three parachutes.

The Doctor proclaimed, “I am a world renowned heart surgeon! I must live so lives may be saved!”
He then grabbed a parachute and jumped out.

The Engineer declared, “I am the smartest man in the world! I solve problems no one else can! The world needs me!”
He, too, grabbed a parachute and jumped out, leaving only one parachute.

The Grandfather looked at the young boy and said,“I've lived a long life. You take the last parachute."

The boy replied,“No problem, Grandpa, there are still two parachutes. The smartest man in the world took my backpack."
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ghezzi
Fra Cristoforo
Fra Cristoforo


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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sat Mar 14, 2015 3:26 pm

Apply your own favourite politicians to the following.

Tony Abbott, Bill Shorten and Christine Milne were on a chartered govt flight.
Tony said, If I take this $100 note and throw it out the window, it would make someone happy.
Bill replied, Well I could throw two $50 notes out the window and make two people happy.
Christine followed with, I could tip all the coins in my purse out the window and make lots of people happy.

The Pilot turned and said, Well fuck me, if I threw you lot out the window, the whole damn country would be happy!

The moral of the story, It doesn't cost much to make people happy.
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waterbottle
GRiSO
GRiSO


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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sat Mar 14, 2015 3:43 pm

Whomever did this must have been a fungi

sorry , unsupported file type, tried converting it in vain
Another go here

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


Last edited by waterbottle on Sun Mar 15, 2015 1:31 am; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : Trouble posting pic.)
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ghezzi
Fra Cristoforo
Fra Cristoforo


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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sat Mar 14, 2015 4:37 pm

I see I've started a secret war behind the scenes, pushing a few red & green buttons are we? (Cred +/-)
This is a joke page, and just like every other forum, if jokes are offensive, don't read them.

In real life, I have entertained many foreigners and local indigenous people in my own home, and personally assisted them both physically and financially, (not some anonymous donation to charity).

Call me a bigot or even crass & vulgar, I don't give a shit!
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1151
Sfregiato
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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sat Mar 14, 2015 8:10 pm

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-----------------------silence-----------------------zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


The thing about this thread that I find hysterical is how the fuck do you fuck up a joke thread?


This can't be happening! Someone please offer up another shit in your panties joke before I lose all faith in GRiSO owners. I would but admittedly my jokes suck in all manner possible in addition to the fact that I never bother to remember them completely.

It's either that or more youtube links..

DM you are up...where the hell are you?

Btw - Enzo, Tolle, opc ...enjoyed those Wink Couldn't see waterbottles image

Ok - fine, I'll stop complaining and make a weak link effort to contribute to some laughs so we can get this back on track.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

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nicktulloh
Montanarolo
Montanarolo


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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sat Mar 14, 2015 10:41 pm

What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?


"Hey, we do taste like chicken."
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Tod.
Tanabuso
Tanabuso


Posts : 69
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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sun Mar 15, 2015 12:26 am

Two cannibals were chewing on a clown they just stewed up, when one said " does this taste funny to you"?
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waterbottle
GRiSO
GRiSO


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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sun Mar 15, 2015 12:34 am

I was recently invited to a party and told "Dress to Kill "
Apparently a Turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.
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Tolle09
Don Abbondio
Don Abbondio


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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sun Mar 15, 2015 9:14 am

Wife says to husband " you only want sex when you're drunk! " Husband replies "that's not true , sometimes I want a kebab!"
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Enzo the baker
Grignapoco
Grignapoco


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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sun Mar 15, 2015 10:52 am

Tunbridge Wells
A group of guys, all aged 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Tunbridge Wells because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.


Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Tunbridge Wells because the food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.


Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Tunbridge Wells because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace and quiet, and it was good value for money.


Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Tunbridge Wells because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.


Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Tunbridge Wells because they had never been there before.
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Grisonut
GRiSO
GRiSO


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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sun Mar 15, 2015 11:19 am

What's 50 lesbians and 50 Postal workers amount to?
A 100 people who don't do dick!
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Charlie J
Sfregiato
Sfregiato


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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sun Mar 15, 2015 2:09 pm

Young Fred couldn't keep his girlfriends because he kept forgetting their names. One of his mates advised making a mental link or picture with a name, so he thought he'd give that a go. Next day at the pub he met a hottie and struck up a conversation. Her name was Franny so Fred kept saying to himself, Franny = Fanny with an R. He asked her out for the next night and arranged to pick her up from her place. The rest of the night and all day young Fred kept up with the Franny =Fanny with an R in his head. At the allotted hour young Fred strides up the driveway ,knocks on the door while still doin the Franny = fanny with an R caper. Fred was fairly dumbstruck when Frannys Dad answered the door. A 7 foot Hells Angel. But young Fred was on a mission so he cleared his throat looked Dad in the eye and says "Gday is Crunt home?"
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Omnis
Grignapoco
Grignapoco


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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sun Mar 15, 2015 7:18 pm

Heard about the dyslexic atheist. He didnt believe in Dog.
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Omnis
Grignapoco
Grignapoco


Posts : 112
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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sun Mar 15, 2015 7:32 pm

A farmer says to his buddy,
- guess what I've invented apples that taste like pussy.
- no fucking way !!
- come with me I'll let you taste'em
Off they go to the orchard, farmers picks a nice ripe apple from a tree gives it to his buddy.
- here have a bite.
The guy bites into it then spits it out and shouts:
- IT TASTES LIKE SHIT
Farmer: - turn it around a bit
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bioman
Tiradritto
Tiradritto


Posts : 348
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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sun Mar 15, 2015 7:35 pm

A woman went to a doctor, complaining about pain in her knees.

"OK", said the doctor, "how is your sex life? What is your favorite position?"

"Well", answered the woman, "I only have sex doggie-style".

"Aha", replied the doctor, "That is it then!  No wonder your knees hurt! You have to change position! Why don't you lay on your back?"

"No", said the woman, "I can't do that: my dog's breath is just too bad!"
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Andy in NZ
Grignapoco
Grignapoco


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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Mon Mar 16, 2015 1:13 am

What about the dyslexia, aetheist, insomniac.
He lay awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

I didn't realise I was dyslexic until I arrived at a toga party dressed as a goat.

The dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa.
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Steak
L'Innominato
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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Mon Mar 16, 2015 7:21 am

What's the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chick Pea?



No one's going to pay $200 to have a Garbanzo Bean on his face...

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2012 MOTO GUZZI GRiSO 1200SE

2013 MOTO GUZZI STELVIO 1200NTX - Orange Blossom Special
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Tolle09
Don Abbondio
Don Abbondio


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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Mon Mar 16, 2015 11:22 am

I've just watched a documentary about kids being abused and beaten up in sweat shops in India. Looking at the quality of stitching on my training shoes, the bastards deserved it.
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tocino
Nibbio
Nibbio


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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Mon Mar 16, 2015 12:37 pm

Steak wrote:
What's the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chick Pea?

No one's going to pay $200 to have a Garbanzo Bean on his face...

Bwhahahaha.

I'm sure you've all heard this one -

How do you tell the difference between a biker and a vacuum cleaner?



The location of the dirt bag.
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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Today at 3:44 am

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Just Jokes!
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