12425 - Established June, 2013 - all GRiSO, all the time...
 
HomeFAQRegisterLog in

Share | 
 

 Just Jokes!

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10  Next
AuthorMessage
ghezzi
Fra Cristoforo
Fra Cristoforo


Posts : 1699
Join date : 2014-05-22
Age : 59

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Fri Nov 27, 2015 3:50 pm

Yeah Blue, fess up!
Blu-tone is your good self, right?
Back to top Go down
http://www.biketowbrisbane.com.au
Blue
Nibbio
Nibbio


Posts : 816
Join date : 2014-08-18
Age : 52

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sat Nov 28, 2015 1:13 am

Nope. Razz
Back to top Go down
Oz1200Guzzi
Don Abbondio
Don Abbondio


Posts : 1783
Join date : 2014-03-13
Age : 62

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Tue Dec 15, 2015 4:16 pm

I was asked by a work colleague, many years ago, if I had photos of my wife naked. I said no, why? He said, would you like to buy some?
Back to top Go down
ghezzi
Fra Cristoforo
Fra Cristoforo


Posts : 1699
Join date : 2014-05-22
Age : 59

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Tue Dec 15, 2015 6:05 pm

Nah! Don't pay for 'em Tony, I'll send 'em to you for free, mate!
Back to top Go down
http://www.biketowbrisbane.com.au
Oz1200Guzzi
Don Abbondio
Don Abbondio


Posts : 1783
Join date : 2014-03-13
Age : 62

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Tue Dec 15, 2015 8:45 pm

You would, Wayne.
Back to top Go down
waterbottle
GRiSO
GRiSO


Posts : 1042
Join date : 2015-02-02
Age : 55

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Wed Dec 16, 2015 12:03 pm

The only thing worse than finding a hole in your condom ...........................

Finding a condom in your hole ! affraid
Back to top Go down
waterbottle
GRiSO
GRiSO


Posts : 1042
Join date : 2015-02-02
Age : 55

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Wed Dec 16, 2015 12:13 pm

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 am and is asked where he is going at this time of night

The man replies, " I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late "

The officer then asks, " Really ? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night ?"

The man replies, " That would be my wife "
Back to top Go down
Steak
L'Innominato
L'Innominato


Posts : 1905
Join date : 2013-05-28
Age : 51

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Wed Dec 16, 2015 3:41 pm

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. 'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said. 'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.' Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?' The Irishman replied, 'These are Carol's'

And So The Christmas Season begins......and I sure hope the jokes get better.

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

2012 MOTO GUZZI GRiSO 1200SE

2013 MOTO GUZZI STELVIO 1200NTX - Orange Blossom Special
Back to top Go down
http://www.grisoghetto.com
waterbottle
GRiSO
GRiSO


Posts : 1042
Join date : 2015-02-02
Age : 55

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Wed Dec 16, 2015 4:09 pm

My grandparents were still very much in love even after 50 years of marriage. Having weak hearts they had to be careful not to over exert themselves, so as to keep a good slow rhythm, would make love to the sound of the church bells on a sunday morning, In on the Ding..... Out on the Dong.
If it wasn't for that Ice Cream Van coming around the corner they would still be alive today Crying or Very sad
Back to top Go down
Street
Nibbio
Nibbio


Posts : 892
Join date : 2013-05-29
Age : 57

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Wed Dec 16, 2015 5:37 pm

Blonde Math

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
Back to top Go down
Oz1200Guzzi
Don Abbondio
Don Abbondio


Posts : 1783
Join date : 2014-03-13
Age : 62

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Wed Dec 16, 2015 7:12 pm

or 5, whichever comes first
Back to top Go down
Pete Roper
GRiSO
GRiSO


Posts : 3783
Join date : 2013-05-29
Age : 59

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Wed Dec 16, 2015 10:33 pm

Steak wrote:
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. 'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said. 'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.' Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?' The Irishman replied, 'These are Carol's'

And So The Christmas Season begins......and I sure hope the jokes get better.

This is currently doing the rounds at the Royal at my behest. The result is satisfactory! Very Happy

Pete
Back to top Go down
Blue
Nibbio
Nibbio


Posts : 816
Join date : 2014-08-18
Age : 52

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Thu Dec 17, 2015 4:49 am

Guy's standing at the bar and hears a voice saying :

'That's a lovely shirt you're wearing'

He has a look around and doesn't know where it's coming from.

Five minutes later, he hears the same voice again:

'Nice shoes, mate'

'Nice hair, looking good!!!'

After a while, he says to the barman that he keeps hearing voices praising him and can't work out who it is.

The barman replies : 'It's the nuts, they're complimentary'
Back to top Go down
Omnis
Grignapoco
Grignapoco


Posts : 112
Join date : 2014-10-06

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Thu Dec 17, 2015 6:19 pm

Woman goes to her gynecologist for a regular pelvic exam. She up on the guerney spread eagle feet on the stir-ups, the doctor says : "my goodness you have a big box, my goodness you have a big box!"
The woman indignant says : "Doctor you didn't have to say it twice".
"I didn't" he says.

Back to top Go down
Andy in NZ
Grignapoco
Grignapoco


Posts : 100
Join date : 2014-02-15

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Fri Dec 18, 2015 5:08 pm

True story.
My wife is a GP and at her last practice she had a significant number of the flat shoe, short haired, check shirt community.
While the patient was being given the gynecological once over, my wife said, "Its all nice and clean down there."
The patient quickly replied, "It should be, I have a woman in twice a week"

It has to be true, you cant make good shit like this up.
Merry Christmas everyone cheers
Adios
Andy in NZ
Back to top Go down
Blue
Nibbio
Nibbio


Posts : 816
Join date : 2014-08-18
Age : 52

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Wed Dec 23, 2015 6:16 am

A Christmas cake recipe


Ingredients
* 2 cups flour
* 1 stick butter
* 1 cup of water
* 1 tsp baking soda
* 1 cup of sugar
* 1 tsp salt
* 1 cup of brown sugar
* Lemon juice
* 4 large eggs
* Nuts
* 1 bottle Brandy
* 2 cups of dried fruit


Method
Sample the brandy to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the brandy again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the brandy is still OK. Try another cup... Just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.


Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the brandy to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Check the brandy. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the brandy and wipe counter with the cat.


Bingle Jells!
Back to top Go down
Street
Nibbio
Nibbio


Posts : 892
Join date : 2013-05-29
Age : 57

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Wed Dec 23, 2015 12:49 pm

Laughing
Back to top Go down
GNORTS
Tanabuso
Tanabuso


Posts : 99
Join date : 2013-05-29

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Wed Dec 23, 2015 2:16 pm

If there are any engineers here, this one's for you.

A foursome is on the front nine. It's made up of a lawyer, a doctor, a priest and an engineer.

Ahead of them, another foursome is playing very slowly, and it's holding up their game.

"What's with those guys? Why are they so slow?" asks the engineer.

The lawyer says, "Those guys are heroes. Last year, when our clubhouse caught fire, those four firemen rushed in and saved the place, but they were all blinded by the intense heat. As a token of appreciation, the club gave them all free memberships. I've been working to make sure they are financially taken care of."

The doctor says, "There have been so many advances in ocular therapy, there might be hope that at least some of their vision can be restored."

The priest says, "Ever since that incident, I've been praying for those four brave men."

The engineer says, "Why can't they play at night?"

Typical engineer. Always trying to solve the problem.

Viva la Fiesta

Back to top Go down
tocino
Nibbio
Nibbio


Posts : 556
Join date : 2014-06-21

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Thu Dec 24, 2015 4:33 pm

Those last two made me laugh! Thanks guys.
Back to top Go down
waterbottle
GRiSO
GRiSO


Posts : 1042
Join date : 2015-02-02
Age : 55

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Wed Jan 27, 2016 3:19 am

Spoonerisms. This one by the late great Ronnie Barker titled Rindercella

Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying posspits, and shivelling shot.

At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fatty swannies.

The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go.

Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared.Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and digbicks. The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.

At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse overollocks,so dropping her slass glipper.
The very next day, the prandsome hince knocked
on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in.. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let
off a fig bart.."Who's fust jarted?" asked the prandsome hince."Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge.

When the stinking brown cloud had lifted,he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.

Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers.This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and
a hig bard on. He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly.

Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follenswanny.
Back to top Go down
Omnis
Grignapoco
Grignapoco


Posts : 112
Join date : 2014-10-06

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Wed Jan 27, 2016 3:30 am

Two Guzzisti parked their LeMans MK1 and decided to have a rest in the shadow of a tree and admire the countryside. Here's the conversation that ensued:
- who won the Grand Prix on Sunday?
- Lauda
- WHO WON THE GRAND PRIX ON SUNDAY?
- LAUDA
- WHO WON THE FUCKIN GRAND PRIX ON SUNDAY ?
- FUCKIN LAUDA
- Deaf cunt !
Back to top Go down
ghezzi
Fra Cristoforo
Fra Cristoforo


Posts : 1699
Join date : 2014-05-22
Age : 59

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Wed Jan 27, 2016 3:52 am

My younger brother and his misses were having a spat the other day over the usual, you know.
Money and sex.

Angela said she was moving out coz she heard she could get $500 a root in Sydney.
James said he would go to Sydney too, to see how she survived on $1000 a year.
Back to top Go down
http://www.biketowbrisbane.com.au
waterbottle
GRiSO
GRiSO


Posts : 1042
Join date : 2015-02-02
Age : 55

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Wed Jan 27, 2016 11:51 am

Omnis wrote:
Two Guzzisti parked their LeMans MK1 and decided to have a rest in the shadow of a tree and admire the countryside. Here's the conversation that ensued:
- who won the Grand Prix on Sunday?
- Lauda
- WHO WON THE GRAND PRIX ON SUNDAY?
- LAUDA
- WHO WON THE FUCKIN GRAND PRIX ON SUNDAY ?
- FUCKIN LAUDA
- Deaf cunt !

What do Margaret Hoolihan (Mash) and Niki Lauda have in common.........

They've both been fucked by Major Burns !
Back to top Go down
Steak
L'Innominato
L'Innominato


Posts : 1905
Join date : 2013-05-28
Age : 51

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Wed Jan 27, 2016 1:33 pm

A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and says "I hope the porn is disabled."

The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular porn you sick fuck."

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

2012 MOTO GUZZI GRiSO 1200SE

2013 MOTO GUZZI STELVIO 1200NTX - Orange Blossom Special
Back to top Go down
http://www.grisoghetto.com
Steak
L'Innominato
L'Innominato


Posts : 1905
Join date : 2013-05-28
Age : 51

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Wed Jan 27, 2016 1:34 pm

A man goes to a costume party with nothing but a naked woman on his back.

"What the hell are you supposed to be, then?" the host asks.

"I'm a turtle," the man replies.

"What a pile of shite!" the host replies. "How can you be a turtle when all you've got is that naked woman on your back?"

"Oh her?" the man smiles. "That's just Michelle!"

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

2012 MOTO GUZZI GRiSO 1200SE

2013 MOTO GUZZI STELVIO 1200NTX - Orange Blossom Special
Back to top Go down
http://www.grisoghetto.com
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Today at 3:43 am

Back to top Go down
 
Just Jokes!
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 6 of 10Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10  Next

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
GRiSO ghetto :: The Ghetto :: The Darkened Recess™-
Jump to: