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 Just Jokes!

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Papa Lazarou
Grignapoco
Grignapoco


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Age : 62

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Tue Mar 22, 2016 2:48 pm

New Miley Cyrus DVD: £15

Tub of Vaseline: £3

XL Box of Tissues: £2

The look of disgust on the cashier's face as you pay: Priceless
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wayne68
Carlotto
Carlotto


Posts : 33
Join date : 2014-08-28

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Fri Mar 25, 2016 7:50 am

Lost my dictionary yesterday - can't find the words to describe how upset i am.

Crime in multistorey car parks - wrong on so many levels.

I'll get my coat....
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g®eg
Don Abbondio
Don Abbondio


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Age : 56

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Fri Mar 25, 2016 8:02 am

Every morning, a game warden watches an old man get in his boat with fishing gear and travel down a lake, where he turns out of sight into the third bay he comes to. An hour later he always comes back with a full days limit. When the game warden asks about his luck, the old man invites him fishing. The next Saturday they get in his boat and motor into the bay. The old man reaches into his tackle box and brings out two sticks of TNT, lights them both, throws one overboard, and hands the second one to the game warden.


The game warden is stupefied. "You can't do that! It's illegal!" The old man replies, "Well, are you going to sit there all day talking or are you going to go fishing?"
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waterbottle
GRiSO
GRiSO


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Age : 55

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Fri Mar 25, 2016 3:11 pm

What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo

Ones big and heavy,.........the other's a little lighter Rolling Eyes
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Steak
L'Innominato
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Posts : 1907
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Age : 51

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Tue Mar 29, 2016 8:36 am

This one ought to make Street laugh...

Quote :
A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well.

The employer is shocked at how professional he is, "Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?"

The man replied "Oh that's when I went to Yale."

The employer is even more impressed. "That's great, you're hired!"

The man is super happy and says "Yay I got a yob!"

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2012 MOTO GUZZI GRiSO 1200SE

2013 MOTO GUZZI STELVIO 1200NTX - Orange Blossom Special
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Street
Nibbio
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Age : 57

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Tue Mar 29, 2016 4:49 pm

Laughing Funny on several levels, eh Steak?
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GHTE
Tanabuso
Tanabuso


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Age : 63

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sat Apr 02, 2016 11:02 pm

A tourist dials "000" A real Aussies answers with a G'day mate what seems to be the problem.
The tourist says " A wasp has bitten my girl friend on her inner thigh and her vagina has closed up"
"Bummer" says the Aussie.
"OK good idea" says the tourist.
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GNORTS
Tanabuso
Tanabuso


Posts : 99
Join date : 2013-05-29

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Wed Apr 06, 2016 7:14 am

Shower soap survey

I've asked hundreds of women what kind of soap they prefer to use in the shower.

Their most common answer was:

"How the fuck did you get in here!?"
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MrBob
Grignapoco
Grignapoco


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Age : 62

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sat Apr 16, 2016 5:18 am

After my recent Prostate exam at the clinic - which was one of the most thorough and intimate examinations I've ever had the Doctor left and the nurse came in.


As she shut the door, she asked me a question I didn't want to hear....



She said...."Who was that  guy ? "
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beetle
GRiSO
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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Thu Apr 28, 2016 4:48 pm

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Steak
L'Innominato
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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Thu Apr 28, 2016 5:04 pm

Did you find that in the Steel Cut Oats thread?

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2013 MOTO GUZZI STELVIO 1200NTX - Orange Blossom Special
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waterbottle
GRiSO
GRiSO


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Age : 55

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Mon May 16, 2016 7:58 pm

Recently I've been having an orgasm every time I sneeze. saw a doctor and he asked ,
" What are you taking for it"
Answer " Black Pepper ! "
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ghezzi
Fra Cristoforo
Fra Cristoforo


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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Mon May 16, 2016 8:43 pm

Is that why you painted your GRiSO black and green?
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beetle
GRiSO
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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Mon May 16, 2016 8:50 pm

Duck walks into a pharmacy

"Give me a Chapstick" says the duck

"Will that be cash, or charge?" Says the pharmacist.

"Nah, put it on my bill".
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ghezzi
Fra Cristoforo
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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sun May 22, 2016 6:08 am

Rossi smokes his opposition at Mugello!
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Grisonut
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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sun May 22, 2016 9:32 am

Fucking A!!
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Red Dog
Carlotto
Carlotto


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Age : 64

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Wed May 25, 2016 2:42 pm

How do you know when two lesbians built your house?

It's all tongue in groove, there ain't a stud in it.
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waterbottle
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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Thu May 26, 2016 1:18 am

A regular at the Brothel calls the madam aside and asks, " I feel like something a little different tonight, what can you offer"
Madam says "Go up to room 13, I'm sure you will be happy"
So off he goes, opens the door to room 13 to find an attractive dwarf lady awaiting.
He says " Shit this can't be right, I'll hurt you won't I "
Dwarf Lady says " Don't stress out ", and she ever so casually reaches up and plucks out her Glass Eye. She says " Plug in and enjoy"
So he does, and has the weirdest but best sex he's had in ages
All done and cleaned up, as he's leaving he thanks the small lady saying " I'll be back for more of that "
Dwarf lady says.............. " I'll keep an eye out  for you "
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MrGPz
Tanabuso
Tanabuso


Posts : 90
Join date : 2015-12-19

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Thu Jun 02, 2016 3:28 pm

A Husband and wife getting on in years were chatting about life after one of them died. 

“What would you do if I died first?” the husband asked.

After some thought, his wife said that she’d probably look for a house-sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she was so active for her age.

“What would you do if I die first?” the wife asked.

The husband replied, “Probably the same thing.”



One more for you. A policeman radio's in to Headquarters. 

Hello, is that you Sarge

Yes, go ahead.

We have a case here, a woman just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she'd just mopped clean.

Have you arrested the woman?

No, not yet Sarge, the floors still wet.
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Oz1200Guzzi
Don Abbondio
Don Abbondio


Posts : 1783
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Age : 62

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Sun Jun 26, 2016 7:10 pm

The moon shone on the shithouse door,
A worker was within,
First a crash,
And then a splash,
Good God, he's fallen in!
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waterbottle
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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Mon Jul 18, 2016 7:49 pm

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Omnis
Grignapoco
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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Wed Jul 20, 2016 11:36 am

Colonoscopy

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Street
Nibbio
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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Wed Jul 20, 2016 12:34 pm

I practically shit myself laughing!
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ghezzi
Fra Cristoforo
Fra Cristoforo


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Age : 59

PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Wed Jul 20, 2016 9:46 pm

My 'puta shat itself when that finished.
CTRL/ALT/Delete .............................. a bit like the colonoscopy pre-med.
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beetle
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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Fri Jul 22, 2016 3:10 am

A guy walks into bar.

"Ouch", he said.







.
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PostSubject: Re: Just Jokes!   Today at 1:55 am

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Just Jokes!
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